Sometimes when I stare at the blank canvas I get a feeling of dread and this sort of overwhelming feeling of can I do it again? It starts in my heart and it bubbles up to my head. I’ll actually say a prayer, light a candle, take a deep breath, turn on some music and force myself to put paint to canvas. This happens almost every time. Once I get going it tends to dissipate with only momentary flickers of doubt.
After speaking to other creative folks and reading a bit about the creative process I now know that I am not alone. I know that many, most, if not all of us share this in common. It’s sort of having to prove to ourselves that whatever talent we have didn’t melt away and drift into never, never land while we were doing life, the laundry, grocery shopping, or taking out the trash.
It’s so easy to let that feeling take control and overwhelm you. However, I think I am starting fresh, once again, by allowing myself to embrace that feeling and to gently remind myself it’s just the old ego trying to take the lead. The ego is dreadfully afraid of failure and so she likes to poke her head into all kinds of places she doesn’t belong. I think I’ll keep a container with a strong locking lid on it and peel her off my back and plunk her inside and quickly seal her away whenever she threatens to take control.
I know I am stronger than her and I know that she is just a distraction. Another great reminder that yep, I am human, and this too, is part of the human experience. So what do you say, steel container anyone?
Mia Moyad Studio
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